I guess I have always just been taught to look at the big picture. I know that life is only for a short period of time and I am so thankful for that knowledge, otherwise I think I'd be bitter. I think that my entire family would be bitter. But that's not the way it is at all. Yes, we are sad by the daily occurances that my dad has to go through, but it's that knowledge that keeps us all going.
Everyone in our family has changed. I have a younger brother and sister who have been directly affected by my dad having MS and it having gotten significantly worse over the last few years. My brother was a typical high school boy (he is 23 now) who made a couple dumb decisions and seemed to just be trying to find himself just like everyone else. I know I did the same thing in high school. But as he got a little older and we realized how much suffereing was going on with my dad, his demeanor changed. He became so much more compliant and willing to help out around the house and in taking care of my dad. Even now, he is the first to jump up and help my dad walk. When we are places, he escorts my dad to the restroom and is constantly on the lookout for him, which isn't something that a lot of young men are conscious of or willing to do for others. I 100% contribute my brother going on a mission and making something of himself to teh fact that my dad is such an inspirational guy and we just want to do things right for him. All 3 of us really try to cause teh least amount of problems as is humanly possible, because my dad doesn't need any more problems in his life.
I have definitely changed. Even moreso than I already was, I am 100% a daddy's girl. I am always wondering where he is and if someone is going to be there to help him in teh house when he gets home, and if someone is going to be there to watch the basketball game with him. Also, my relationship with my Savior has 100% changed. Tonight after my dad got home from work (which is crazy that he still insists on working, the majority of men with his limited mobility and pain would have quit years ago), he slowly went to his office and started preparing for a meeting his has to fulfill for our church. 30 minutes later, he was slowly out the door again and won't be home for hours I'm sure. It would be so much easier for him not to have church responsibilities, but he does everything asked of him, thankful for the opportunity. He attends his 7 AM Sunday meetings and never misses church, regardless of how much he is hurting. When I see my dad's devotion, I absolutely cannot make an excuse for myself, no matter how hard I try. My life has completely changed through watching him do these week after week.
My dad has also changed. He is quieter. He is more meek and humble. He is more serviceful, although it is more hard for him to be so. He has learned to let people help him and to be more submissive. He rarely complains or asks for attention and that is why I love him.
We will individually and collectively never be the same. MS saved my family.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
I Think Sometimes People Deserve to Be Pissed Off
... especially those who suffer from physical problems. Ya know, there are a lot of really screwed up people out there. We have family members and people we know who are total idiots and make the worst life-choices ever, yet they are in perfect health!! Does that seem fair?? No, it does not. And while I know that there is a purpose to everything etc, somtimes it's okay to be mad. And today, and maybe tomorrow, and probably Sunday, I'm gonna be mad.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The Wheelchair Dilemma
It is a big deal. We don't typically talk about it, but it's going to need to be officially addressed really quick here. Yes, when we go to airports or like Sams Club, he has to get in a wheelchair. He hates it, but it's the only way. He physically cannot walk that far. At work, he has a special stall in the parking garage, and everywhere else, we drop him off by the doors and then park.
But sometimes, we need a dang wheelchair and he does not want one. To have a wheelchair everywhere we go is like, giving up for him. We've mentioned getting a lightweight one that folds up or something, but he's not having it at all. He's very headstrong and wants to be independent. He's not looking for special attention or sympathy from anyone. And while his walking certainly attracts both of those, the wheelchair is just too far. To be honest, we're all just holding out for a miracle. It's inevitable that in a year or so, that point will come, and when it does, we will all be devastated. But I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it. In the meantime, I pray he does not get seriously hurt. I cringe at the thought of the falls I know he takes, but for him to get really hurt would be absolutely terrible.
But sometimes, we need a dang wheelchair and he does not want one. To have a wheelchair everywhere we go is like, giving up for him. We've mentioned getting a lightweight one that folds up or something, but he's not having it at all. He's very headstrong and wants to be independent. He's not looking for special attention or sympathy from anyone. And while his walking certainly attracts both of those, the wheelchair is just too far. To be honest, we're all just holding out for a miracle. It's inevitable that in a year or so, that point will come, and when it does, we will all be devastated. But I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it. In the meantime, I pray he does not get seriously hurt. I cringe at the thought of the falls I know he takes, but for him to get really hurt would be absolutely terrible.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
And You Know What...
I don't care if no one ever even reads this, or cares, I feel better already being able to write it down.
Happy 50th Mom!
My dad is the best husband ever, probably because my mom is the best wife ever. She takes care of him so wonderfully, and my dad knows that.
So yesterday was her 50th bday, yes she's getting old, and my dad was so cute and didn't go to work and went and randomly bought her a new car. It's one of those new Ford Edges, which is rather cool actually. He had gone and taken her car from her work and traded it in for the new one and when she came out it was sitting there and he was in it with roses. How cute, right?
Later last night we went to a really nice restaraunt with some of the family as well, and then, once again, we were brutally reminded of the constant stuggle my dad goes through. We were walking to our table in the crowded restaraunt when my brother let go of my dad and he, my dad, trying to get around the table, leaned against a wall... THAT MOVED. I won't even go into the fact that you probably shouldn't have a wall.. that looks like a wall.. that is on wheels. That's so dangerous.
As you might could guess, yep, the wall rolled right out from under his weight and we watched in slow motion as he took one of THE hardest falls I have yet to have ever seen. He landed square on his shoulder. Like, full body weight. The sound reverberated across the whole restaraunt, seriously. Men from every table nearby rushed to his aid. I know I've said before that when things like this happen, you really do see the best in people come out. People are SO kind. At that time, I think I still had my hands on my hears and my eyes closed. I just cannot bear to watch anymore.
They finally got him upright and into his seat and the surrounding tables went back to normal when I looked at him directly across from me and saw his eyes well up with tears until he quickly tried to make a joke a pretend like it didn't happen. We were all so shooken up and he was so embarrassed that I'm not sure anyone really even enjoyed the dinner. I know I had a rash (which happens when I am upset or stressed) until half-way through the main course.
Today my dad got up, we got him dressed, and he went to work without even the ability to raise his right arm because his shoulder is now hurt too, along with all of his other injuries from falls.
Happy Birthday Mom.
So yesterday was her 50th bday, yes she's getting old, and my dad was so cute and didn't go to work and went and randomly bought her a new car. It's one of those new Ford Edges, which is rather cool actually. He had gone and taken her car from her work and traded it in for the new one and when she came out it was sitting there and he was in it with roses. How cute, right?
Later last night we went to a really nice restaraunt with some of the family as well, and then, once again, we were brutally reminded of the constant stuggle my dad goes through. We were walking to our table in the crowded restaraunt when my brother let go of my dad and he, my dad, trying to get around the table, leaned against a wall... THAT MOVED. I won't even go into the fact that you probably shouldn't have a wall.. that looks like a wall.. that is on wheels. That's so dangerous.
As you might could guess, yep, the wall rolled right out from under his weight and we watched in slow motion as he took one of THE hardest falls I have yet to have ever seen. He landed square on his shoulder. Like, full body weight. The sound reverberated across the whole restaraunt, seriously. Men from every table nearby rushed to his aid. I know I've said before that when things like this happen, you really do see the best in people come out. People are SO kind. At that time, I think I still had my hands on my hears and my eyes closed. I just cannot bear to watch anymore.
They finally got him upright and into his seat and the surrounding tables went back to normal when I looked at him directly across from me and saw his eyes well up with tears until he quickly tried to make a joke a pretend like it didn't happen. We were all so shooken up and he was so embarrassed that I'm not sure anyone really even enjoyed the dinner. I know I had a rash (which happens when I am upset or stressed) until half-way through the main course.
Today my dad got up, we got him dressed, and he went to work without even the ability to raise his right arm because his shoulder is now hurt too, along with all of his other injuries from falls.
Happy Birthday Mom.
Why It's Hard to Bring Men Around the Fam
I have never been a person to get really embarrassed about things. I make a fool out of myself on a daily basis and I don't typically think twice about it.So when I am withe my dad and he stumbles or whatever, I don't think twice about it for myself, but my heart aches for my dad... and for anyone around who might feel awkward.
Last week we took my friend Matt with us on a family Jazz game night. We pulled up to the curb outside the ESA where a man in a wheelchair was actually going to meet us. (We just figured out that this service was available). I've known Matt for a couple years, and he knew my dad has health problems, but there was no way to prepare him for what came next.
As my dad got out of the car, there happened to be ice where he put his cane and it was like watching in slow motion as he went down. Impressively, Matt was close enough where he caught my dad under his armpits right before he hit the ground and tried to keep him from going all the way down. My brother and I rushed over and tried to help also, but it was a good 45 seconds before we got him back up and steady, all the while Matt was basically bear-hugging my dad chest to chest.
Matt is a nice guy and I am so thankful he was so quick, but I could tell he was quite... I don't even know the word to say. He wasn't embarrassed really. Maybe he was just not aware of how bad my dad's condition was. And what do I say? Thanks? THat's basically all I could do and pretend to shake it off, but somehow that incident lingered the whole night in the back of his, and mine, and I'm sure everyone else's mind.
Which is why it is hard to bring men around the family sometimes.
Last week we took my friend Matt with us on a family Jazz game night. We pulled up to the curb outside the ESA where a man in a wheelchair was actually going to meet us. (We just figured out that this service was available). I've known Matt for a couple years, and he knew my dad has health problems, but there was no way to prepare him for what came next.
As my dad got out of the car, there happened to be ice where he put his cane and it was like watching in slow motion as he went down. Impressively, Matt was close enough where he caught my dad under his armpits right before he hit the ground and tried to keep him from going all the way down. My brother and I rushed over and tried to help also, but it was a good 45 seconds before we got him back up and steady, all the while Matt was basically bear-hugging my dad chest to chest.
Matt is a nice guy and I am so thankful he was so quick, but I could tell he was quite... I don't even know the word to say. He wasn't embarrassed really. Maybe he was just not aware of how bad my dad's condition was. And what do I say? Thanks? THat's basically all I could do and pretend to shake it off, but somehow that incident lingered the whole night in the back of his, and mine, and I'm sure everyone else's mind.
Which is why it is hard to bring men around the family sometimes.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
My Crazy Weekends :)
I really should have gone into nursing.. or physical therapy. At least then I'd know what I'm doing haha! Actually, I probably have more nursing experience than half of those kids who work in old folks homes already, and I'm proud of that.
I'm completely fine with saying that Saturdays are my days with my dad.. and I love it. My mom was busy today with some things with my grandma and my brother and sister were working, so it was even more just me and him. When I woke up today, I got his shoes on (he can't tie them, his hands don't really work) and went with him to get his hair cut up at Dollar Cuts up the street. He doesn't love having company even on small errands, but it's necessary. Then, I came home, fixed him lunch, and made him go lay down. He gets really tired. He doesn't like to lay down either, but you have to make him. He's supposed to sleep WAY more than he actually does. I ran some errands, and when I came back he was up so we watched some basketball. I stretched him out because he is very stiff and his body basically doesn't work and any blood flow is good. He really should be going to a physical therapist, but we haven't completely convinced him of that either. When he was finally ready for bed, my mom and I got him to his room, basically put on his pajamas (don't worry, we're not like some freaky family where I see him naked or anything, that's gross) and got him in bed. And that was basically my Saturday in a nutshell.
A lot of my Saturdays go much the same way. Yes, I hang out with my friends sometimes and still have fun, but I've found that over the years as circumstances with my dad have gotten worse, my priorities have changed and I want to be where I am needed, and a lot of the time that is at home. I want to spend time with my dad, and my family in general. I am constantly aware of where he is and if my mom is stressed out or what needs to be done. No, I am definitely not a perfect daughter, I have my moments, but I know that I am much less selfish and self-centered than I once was. It is only through true and unselfish love that one can become content and more whole as a person, well, at least I think so.
I'm completely fine with saying that Saturdays are my days with my dad.. and I love it. My mom was busy today with some things with my grandma and my brother and sister were working, so it was even more just me and him. When I woke up today, I got his shoes on (he can't tie them, his hands don't really work) and went with him to get his hair cut up at Dollar Cuts up the street. He doesn't love having company even on small errands, but it's necessary. Then, I came home, fixed him lunch, and made him go lay down. He gets really tired. He doesn't like to lay down either, but you have to make him. He's supposed to sleep WAY more than he actually does. I ran some errands, and when I came back he was up so we watched some basketball. I stretched him out because he is very stiff and his body basically doesn't work and any blood flow is good. He really should be going to a physical therapist, but we haven't completely convinced him of that either. When he was finally ready for bed, my mom and I got him to his room, basically put on his pajamas (don't worry, we're not like some freaky family where I see him naked or anything, that's gross) and got him in bed. And that was basically my Saturday in a nutshell.
A lot of my Saturdays go much the same way. Yes, I hang out with my friends sometimes and still have fun, but I've found that over the years as circumstances with my dad have gotten worse, my priorities have changed and I want to be where I am needed, and a lot of the time that is at home. I want to spend time with my dad, and my family in general. I am constantly aware of where he is and if my mom is stressed out or what needs to be done. No, I am definitely not a perfect daughter, I have my moments, but I know that I am much less selfish and self-centered than I once was. It is only through true and unselfish love that one can become content and more whole as a person, well, at least I think so.
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